Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘women’

fullsizerender-39Narcissist. I never knew the definition of this word during my 20 years of living with my ex.  I first came across it in the midst of a nasty divorce with this crazy man.  He turned even more bat-shit scary crazy when I grew the balls to leave this “marriage”.  When I gathered the courage and strength to stand up for myself and my children and end this life of fear.

All these years he had me believing that I was the crazy one.  That’s what they do best and Mr. Idiot was a master at this type of manipulation. Looking back it’s clear as can be that Mr. Idiot suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder or more commonly called NPD.

These days NPD is a word heard daily as we are now “under the control” of Trump the Narcissist. One thing I’ve learned is someone with NPD does not want you to have freedom.  They want to control EVERYTHING.  That’s how they keep their deep insecurities fed.  It’s like a monster inside them that grows angrier the more you defy them.

It’s very clear that this infantile President will continue to grow angrier the more the American people protest him.  He’s losing control and that in the end will destroy him.

I wasted half my life being controlled by a BULLY and I will not spend the next four years having some mentally ill dictator take away my freedom. My freedom of speech, my freedom of love.  It is not a political thing, I am not a registered Democrat or Republican.  Some of my best friends and family voted for Trump.  I still love them and accept their opinions.  It doesn’t matter where you’re from, what color your skin is, what religion you practice, what gender you identify with, what your sexual preference is.  Do you have humanity? Are you a person that cares about others?  That’s the type of people I want in my life.

I stood up to Mr. Idiot for my freedom.  My freedom to do the things I love to do that make me feel good about myself.  My freedom to choose my friends.  My freedom to raise my children the way I think is right.  My freedom to live without fear.

It looks like it’s time to do it again, but this time I’m not in it alone.

The only cure for someone who suffers NPD is to remove them from your life.  We’ve got work to do America. It won’t be easy, he’ll put up a good fight but we are stronger. Never forget that.

 

 

 

 

 

Read Full Post »

your-largest-fear-carries-your-greatest-growth-quote-1

What a journey my life has been since my escape from the prison of marriage to Mr. Idiot.  I’ve fallen in love a few times, had some crazy adventures that are straight out of a movie script, and have finally found myself.  I look back on my life as Mrs. Idiot and she seems like a ghost.  I’ve shed all my insecurities, become a strong confident woman and love myself.  The men in my life have been stories that need to be told.  One of my closest friends from childhood messaged me today to say that she left her abusive husband and I was the one that gave her strength to do so.  Sharing my story has always been my goal to help women that are in similar situations.   You always have a choice in life even if someone tells you that you cannot survive without them.  Don’t ever lose hope.  My life will be shared and I hope to inspire many women out there to gather their courage and stand up to the man who tries to hold you down.

Read Full Post »

ImageI once heard about making “The List” of what you want in a man on some show years ago…might have been Oprah. She’s always full of helpful advice and good wisdom…maybe her wisdom not to marry is beyond wise. Snarky comment 🙂

Anyways…after being married to Mr. Idiot who had all the wrong qualities in a man, I thought that I needed to make my list to guide me so I never settle again. My list has lived in my brain and this is the first time I’ve actually written it down.  It’s things I find important that make me happy, and really are qualities that I have myself. Opposites attract…throw that one out the window if you want happiness. To be happy I need to find someone more like me…who gets me.

So here goes…

1. Romantic. This is number one on my list because I live and breathe romance! I want to be swept off my feet by a man who carries me off to bed. Romance novel come to life! Watch a sunset, write a love note, call just because he’s thinking of me…hold my face when he kisses. Loves to kiss…a must! (Mr. Idiot never kissed, no passion, no romance, never watched a sunset together)

2. Funny. I live to laugh. I love to laugh. I find humor in everyday life. He doesn’t need to be a Robin Williams, but he should be a bit witty and make me laugh.  (Mr. Idiot would roll his eyes if I said something funny, made me feel like a complete idiot. He in turn, did not make me laugh much…much too serious and not in the least bit funny.)

3. Athletic. Not meaning a perfect body…but into his health and fitness. Does some type of exercise to work out. A healthy heart…I want him to be around awhile if we end up together. I want a chicken and fish kind of guy…someone who knows what edamames and hummus are, and likes them. (Mr. Idiot was a walker, nothing else. His eating habits were not what mine were…lots of red meat and junk food.

4.  Creative.  I am a very creative person and need a person who is equally creative.  Someone who is creative will understand why I want to stop everything and stare at the sunset…or the moon…or the little ladybug who landed on me.  Creative souls belong together. Mr. Idiot only knew how to create drama.

5.  Playful.  I sometimes don’t act my age… love the swings, tickle fight? okay.  Hide and seek with kisses for prize, yep. I’m like a little puppy…I need another puppy to play with.  Mr. Idiot would put the little playful pup in a cage.

6.  Spontaneous.  Wake up, grab a picnic lunch and take off heading south and take a random exit.  No direction, no set plan…see where the day take us…love this stuff.  Mr. Idiot planned everything…boring!

7.  Mellow.  Not without a pulse, but even-tempered.  No flying off the handle over little things.  Able to discuss feelings in  a calm mature manner and work out differences.  So tired of the walking on eggshell…tip-toeing so I don’t set off the volcano.  Sweet and mellow…ahhh…that sounds perfect to me.

So this is my list and I’m sticking to it.  When I meet a man that has at least 6 of these qualities then I’m going for it.  I’ll let my heart  be open and hopefully find the kind of love I’ve alway dreamed of.

Read Full Post »

My old boyfriend…who I found on Facebook…and I had started this online seduction you could say.  It started with me getting up the nerve to send that body shot, he exchanged his.  He wasn’t so shy…clothing was optional you could say.  This little online seduction was getting quite hot and heavy over a few months.  Mr. Idiot had been gone out of the house for awhile but I was still married on paper…divorce papers were served and the process was started but legally I was married.  I wont lie, this added an element of excitement to the whole scenario going on in my head at this point. If I was going to see him I’d be sneaking over…the last thing I needed was for anyone to find out and tell Mr. Idiot. Ironically Mr. Sexy Man’s place was a few blocks from some now-ex relatives.

I finally decided to see him.  I was a bundle of nerves…and hormones…and I started the process of getting ready for the “date”. I showered, shaved, scrubbed, softened…sprayed a sexy scent all over my body and dressed. What to wear? Skin tight jeans, and a sexy sleeveless, bra-less top… and a pearl necklace that he had given me when I was 16.

In the car now cruising down the highway…nervous…excited…and on the radio is “Riding Solo” by Jason Derulo, perfect.  When he greets me on his stairs in the dark I already feel that spark coming back…I follow him into his house.

He notices the necklace right away, then we sit together on the couch watching TV.  It doesn’t take long before he grabs my hand…then we kiss, and I melt.  Wham, bam, that chemistry is just as strong as it was when we were teenagers. Goodbye. The music is now on, the candles lit…things Mr. Idiot never did…I’m following him into his bedroom.

Wow…yep, it was everything I had remembered with him and more.  He was a man now and man did he know how to please a woman. I drove home with a big smile on my lips that night and that begun my affair with Mr. Sexy Man.

Read Full Post »

Image

It’s been a tough few days…I’m getting the house, our family home full of memories ready to sell.  It’s something I’ve known was coming and had to deal with but I had no idea it would throw me into a depressed state of mind. The process of sifting through boxes that hadn’t been opened in years has been a mixed bunch of emotions. Ecstasy when I find something of mine I’d forgotten about…and sheer disgust when I come across one of Mr. Idiots things.  Sadness when I find photos of my kids in happy times…a vacation shot of the first fish caught, a moment suspended in time when I thought I had a happy life.  The joy was there but looking back it all came from those moments with my kids…if it wasn’t for them I would’ve left Mr. Idiot years ago.

I contemplated having a garage sale but as I pictured the nosy neighbors coming over to get the dirt on why I had left Mr. Idiot I couldn’t bear to deal with that torture.  So I’m making trips to the local thrift store daily and dumping my old life…or kicking it to the curb with a free sign.  Free….yeah I’m free, well almost, as soon as I get rid of this shit that’s making me feel like shit.

Read Full Post »

The day I’ve been waiting for…for almost two years.  It’s here. I signed on the dotted line and officially ended my marriage to Mr. Idiot.   The final string that he held control of has been severed…forever.  I’ve looked forward to this day for so long, and imagined myself jumping with joy and shouting out to the world…”I’m free as a bird”!

Yet here I sit, three days before Christmas with an overwhelming feeling of sadness, and loss…with tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat.  This will be my last Christmas in the house with my kids.  Soon it will be put up for sale and all the memories inside will be gone.  The painful process of sifting through his things and my things…our things, the kids things. Our family that no longer exists.  It’s almost too much to bear.

My exit door is wide open now…Mr. Idiot is gone.   I should be running for it, but now I’m feeling nervous of what I’ll find on the other side.  Welcome to the single world. Time to put my big girl panties on and take that first step into the next chapter of my life.

Goodbye Mr. Idiot.

Read Full Post »

Reject jellybeans. Just look at them, can you believe they sell these? They shouldn’t be out in public calling themselves jelly beans. A jelly bean should be a perfect oval shape. Smooth and flawless.

He was the perfect husband, so nice…how can she be divorcing him? This is the word I hear going around my town. He was a perfectly good jellybean and I tossed him out on his butt. He was not a perfect husband, far from it, but an expert at playing the role to friends and acquaintances. If they only knew how he really treated me, they’d be shocked.

I’m done with perfect jellybeans, all smooth and charming. Nope, not going to fall for it again. My next jellybean will be imperfect. Showing his true self, flaws and all right from the start. I love jellybeans!

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »