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Posts Tagged ‘lessons’

Fear.

A very powerful four-letter word. It can hold you back from many things in life.

We learn fear at an early age.  We learn to live with fear. Some of us more than others.

I feared my father. He was scary for many years. There was a cartoon when I was a little girl…”Wait Till Your Father Gets Home”. My Mother used and abused that line whenever my brother and I would misbehave. With good reason…as soon as those words left her mouth we became angels. Neither of us wanted to face our father’s anger.

My father wasn’t physically abusive, although I did get a few spankings growing up but those usually came from my Mother.  It was his verbal abuse.  Strong words said in the scariest tone.  Enough to make you pee your pants.

So you see…I loved this scary man more than anything. He was a good provider, he worked hard so my Mother could stay home and raise us.  He took us on family vacations in the station wagon.  Loved us in his own way, but I don’t recall him ever telling me he loved me.

Little did I know that I would seek out a man who treated me the way I was accustomed to later in life…and marry him…and fear him.

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So many months have passed since I did a brain-drain on here…I often wonder if people think I’ve dropped off the face of the earth.  Life has been busy…peaceful mostly…positive…and full of all the things I’ve wished for and deserve. I do need to find time to add the many unbelievable stories that I’ve lived through this divorce…and will in time.

This post is mainly to say, hey…I’m doing good…in case you were wondering. My spirit is back in full force, I’ve dropped all negative energy people from my life…although the ex still digs at me at times. 

I’ve learned a lot about what I do want in a man and what I don’t…big hard lesson there. 

I’ve made myself a list..exists only in my head at the moment, but I will be blogging and sharing it soon. When I meet a man I start the checking off process…happy to report I’ve met someone who I’ve happily checked off most every box 🙂 So this is what it feels like to be respected, cared for, and loved (not sure if we are at the love part yet, but heading that way). Somewhat feeling a bit like Cinderella…

 

 

 

 

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