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Posts Tagged ‘divorced women’

Fear.

A very powerful four-letter word. It can hold you back from many things in life.

We learn fear at an early age.  We learn to live with fear. Some of us more than others.

I feared my father. He was scary for many years. There was a cartoon when I was a little girl…”Wait Till Your Father Gets Home”. My Mother used and abused that line whenever my brother and I would misbehave. With good reason…as soon as those words left her mouth we became angels. Neither of us wanted to face our father’s anger.

My father wasn’t physically abusive, although I did get a few spankings growing up but those usually came from my Mother.  It was his verbal abuse.  Strong words said in the scariest tone.  Enough to make you pee your pants.

So you see…I loved this scary man more than anything. He was a good provider, he worked hard so my Mother could stay home and raise us.  He took us on family vacations in the station wagon.  Loved us in his own way, but I don’t recall him ever telling me he loved me.

Little did I know that I would seek out a man who treated me the way I was accustomed to later in life…and marry him…and fear him.

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Bringing my sexy back

How can a woman that was always belittled feel good about herself again? Your self-esteem is diminished, you don’t like who you’ve become so how in the world could you ever get your sexy back? Add 20 years to your body and you would think it’s nearly impossible, but I did it. I owe this all to my first post-divorce lover…Mr. Sexy Man.

My old high school boyfriend who I felt comfortable with, who knew me before I married Mr. Idiot.  A man who was tender with me, and helped me deal with the stress of divorce by having mind-blowing hot sex. He was a Leo. Love Leos. Strong, passionate, take charge kinda man, but with romantic overtures.  Carry me off to the bedroom type of scenerios…lots of kissing, all over my body. Mr. Sexy Man was my therapist. I could spill my brain with all the shit that Mr. Idiot was putting me through then he’d give me orgasms on top of orgasms. Best damn therapy.

Our friendship and sexual adventures lasted several months, and my sexual confidence blossomed. My emotional state was still so fragile and I could feel myself falling for him.  This is where I had to stay strong and not rebound into a relationship.  So I ended it…the sexual part, but stayed friends.

My sexy was back 🙂

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