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Posts Tagged ‘abusive relationships’

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What a journey my life has been since my escape from the prison of marriage to Mr. Idiot.  I’ve fallen in love a few times, had some crazy adventures that are straight out of a movie script, and have finally found myself.  I look back on my life as Mrs. Idiot and she seems like a ghost.  I’ve shed all my insecurities, become a strong confident woman and love myself.  The men in my life have been stories that need to be told.  One of my closest friends from childhood messaged me today to say that she left her abusive husband and I was the one that gave her strength to do so.  Sharing my story has always been my goal to help women that are in similar situations.   You always have a choice in life even if someone tells you that you cannot survive without them.  Don’t ever lose hope.  My life will be shared and I hope to inspire many women out there to gather their courage and stand up to the man who tries to hold you down.

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Fear.

A very powerful four-letter word. It can hold you back from many things in life.

We learn fear at an early age.  We learn to live with fear. Some of us more than others.

I feared my father. He was scary for many years. There was a cartoon when I was a little girl…”Wait Till Your Father Gets Home”. My Mother used and abused that line whenever my brother and I would misbehave. With good reason…as soon as those words left her mouth we became angels. Neither of us wanted to face our father’s anger.

My father wasn’t physically abusive, although I did get a few spankings growing up but those usually came from my Mother.  It was his verbal abuse.  Strong words said in the scariest tone.  Enough to make you pee your pants.

So you see…I loved this scary man more than anything. He was a good provider, he worked hard so my Mother could stay home and raise us.  He took us on family vacations in the station wagon.  Loved us in his own way, but I don’t recall him ever telling me he loved me.

Little did I know that I would seek out a man who treated me the way I was accustomed to later in life…and marry him…and fear him.

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Just had my 5 year anniversary of freedom. My old life seems like a dream, a bad dream…a sad dream.  I don’t recognize the girl I was back then. Fearful, cowardly, spineless.  Willing to please that man no matter how badly he treated me.  The changes in me are not just emotional.  Physically I’m a different person.  I didn’t realize this until I came across some old pictures.  I’ve gone through a total metamorphosis. Emerged a beautiful butterfly that flutters from flower to flower in her garden of happiness.

I’d almost forgotten about this blog.  I’m actually surprised it even has any hits since I abandoned it.  Makes me wonder how many other women are searching for freedom from a bad marriage, or support through a nasty divorce.  I feel for them.  I want to reach out through my experiences and help if I can by honestly sharing my story.

My new life stories could fill a book, or two.  I’ve lived adventurously, with no fear and dived right into life like a child seeing the world for the first time.  I’ve meet the most interesting people, men and women with stories of their own.  I’ve grown into a woman I’m proud to be.  I look in the mirror now and like who is staring back at me.  I’ve learned how to love myself.

Don’t ever give up hope.  Be brave, be strong.  Don’t stay for your kids they will be better off.

I’ll be back soon to tell a few of my stories of my dating adventures 🙂

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